a phone call that made me feel -who am i towards you

everyone makes mistake ,right? is there anyone that do not made mistakes before? well, is it that mistakes i made before can't gain your forgiveness and also the trust? just now my mum call me, so after we talked bla bla bla~ suddenly i mentioned something with my mum, it something happen in my college recently(P&C)....and the conversation start like this.....

after i mentioned about it....

m: so you have to take care of your behaviour, keep yourself reviewing, think wisely before you done anything.....
j:i won't do that, because i don't wish any incident happen in my life now......and i view those things a lot surround me....and you know what course i taking now?
m:yup, but you know y all those things happen? because they lose the rationality, so that incident happen....
j:yup i know....then i laugh....i said it won't happen on me....(with confident)....can you don't always compare me with other people?
m:i hope so it would not happen to you.....
j: sigh....

we're talking about generation now( accidentally pregnant)....you know what i means,right? so i don't think i want to make it more clearly.....

is that i really can't gain any trustworthiness from you? and what happen to them is out of my bussiness and what the hell doing with me? mum, i really really know the aim and purpose why i be here,ok? i'm not here for finding a guy to married and get births to continue my life......the purposes i'm here is to study and earn a better future lifes for myself and also you.....so can you please don't think i will take any step wrong that will ruin my whole lifes by my own?

you're just like my vitamin of lovee.....

anyway, i really appreciates you care about me and loves me....but please don't never ever think i'm a person like that....if i'm a person like that, i already attached long long ago and won't stay single so long untill now......although sometimes i really likes to do something out of your mind, but not this,this is not in my must-do list.....and i avoided it hardly to happen......i want a good life and not an accidentally lifes that suddenly happen to me and i have to try hard to suit myself in.....that is not what i wish to had....

can you believes me as i'm your daughter that do not done any big mistakes before? i know how to manage my own lifes, please don't worry about me......sometimes get too protected by all of you, make me hardly to breath.....now i'm trying to "grow up" by myself....i have to be independent and gasping the new air in my new lifes now.....you can't protects me forever and i can't depends on you all my life....

there must a time i have to fly with my own wings and not holdings by you.....i will try all my best to be your good daughter.....i can fly by myself pridely and brings you the proud.....i want you to share the success i gain.....but now is the time you lets go and i'll find what i want and reach there.....is time for me to live by myself and gain a more matured thoughts and different perspectives and view during viewing a problems......

i love you deeper and deeper when i leave you, you're deep in my heart....i love you wherever i was...day by day,hours to hours, minutes to minutes, second to second.........i love you mum......