my first touching teardrop~

"something that can't reach without a pair of helping hands"

this is the first time i cried because of some words that really touched my heart....i chatting with my little "miracle worker" just now....i tell her that i really feel tired of my life now, no matter is my relationship, my friendships, my study or even myself....it really make me loaded.....i can't do anything....sometimes, i even think i'm really useless...i can't even think about my so called "failure's life".....i realize sometimes a person really can't stand up for your ownself when you faced a problem or issue.... it really so hard to do it by your own....

but i realize that i'm wrong, i thought that when problem occurred and you had to forced yourself to solve it yourself, it maybe a good chance or opportunity to learn to grow and independent, and maybe made a person matured in perspectives of view, thoughts and acts....but, i'm wrong, sometimes in the process you learn to grow you need the other parties to give support to you....how naive am i before?.....

but xinyi tell me something that i really get touched is "don't tired of yourself, if you ever think you don't like yourself, remember L4, L4 all "sayang" you...." i notice about that, everytime i was down, L4, you all always stay by my side.....you all are my everything, my emotional support...."i love all of you"......my tears dropped because of touched.....all the words really meaningful to me.....thanks .......

fight for my final war ~

well, tomorrow will be my last exam paper.....so called "intentional interviewing and counseling" ....this paper really make me stressed up.....i can't even memorize it....haha....so,yesterday we have a study group in KFC near GIANT .....and we brought our little "miracle worker" xinyi....-who can make us understand all the context that give by the lecturer.....thanks for your help..... to fight for our final war, we start suddenly....and they're some kids that their parents brought them to KFC to celebrate birthday....but we found something are weird, all the kids sang the birthday song that sound very sad, like their parents canned them and forced them to sing.... but, that is not what i want to mention about, the story continued to be like this.....we concentrate on our study, but for a while that was a kid that i don't even know what happen to him.....he shouted with his pretty high pitch tone that not once, but still hav the second time....that really made me "pik chek" , so what i gonna do was, i shouted with my "high volume" sound and said " ma ma dang".....in a second i realized it really work, because all KFC become silence, but my friends said really paiseh la, all people keep wathching us....haha...and Kelly say why all of them watching me, she said i going to say that is not me, i'm not shouted.....haha.... sound pretty crazy right? but that was me, when ppl are stress up, never ever to make him/she angry, if not what you get may serious than this....haha.... now i want to continue my study.....see you all after my final war.....haha....wish me luck ya~ and good luck to you all too~ "GAMBATEH"

i hate exam.......

i hate study & exam.....haha

the time sitting for exams....3 more subjects for me to go....i feel stress in this "exam season"....and it cause me to have a lot of chocolate in this "season" to release my stress and tension and seek for pleasure.....haha :P

is there any school or college that do not have to sit for exam? inform me if u find it, cause i would like to continue further my study there.....i will appreciate ur kindness to tell me....muahahaha :)...i'm dreamin' right now...so don't to try to wake me up or you'll die.....hehe:p

don't wake me up...i wan continue my sweet sweet dreamz.....sshhhh~

well, let me tell you something about chocolate....why almost all people like to eat chocolate? do you know what contains in the chocolate? i would like to share one thing with you that contains in the chocolate, it called "phenylethylamine"....what is that?


p/s: take a bucket to fill your saliva.....haha:p

let me tell you what is that, "phenylethylamine" is a chemical substance that found in chocolate that capable of raising dopamine level in our brains....it can show through people like to cheer up themselves with some chocolate when they're feeling blue....."Phenylethylamine" is a trace amine occurring naturally in our brains, where it releases dopamine in the mesolimbic centres for pleasure...."Phenylethylamine"plays a vital role when we fall in love and feel passion, and the "phenylethylamine" levels peaks during orgasm.

but, girls remember don't have too much chocolate because it bring you to obesity and the shape of your body will change it shape...although there are always "chocolate temptations"....get it?.....

no choices for us to who we want to be......

"take it or just leave it........."

recently, i read lotta of blogs....and i agree with some of the blogger statement....we have no choice to choose what we wanna to be.....such as you can't choose whether you want to be a boy or a girl...you're born to be either a boy or a girl....this had be fated.....did you think there's someone or the God will ask whether you willing to be a girl or a boy, did there any choices for you?.......the answer is no....if there's is a choice...all people can choose who they want to be, then all will become perfect cause they go through their lifes with their choices and lives with what they wish to have....but because of no choices then a lot problem occured....like female who want to turn into male and become a tomboy, male who want to be female and turn into shemale.....

in our real lifes not everything can just go on swimmingly....there must be some obstacles waiting for us to go through, from there we learn a lessons and learn to stand up where we fell......so, people said that lifes are full of challenges....you have to learn how to manage it and also how to go through it with full of meaning and make it more "colourful".....

if there's is a choice for you in your life, what would you like to choose to be?
(ask yourself deep into your heart)

i saw a lot people that surrond me facing different problems.....relationships, friendships, facing study stress, financial, family and so so on.....relationship problems occured a lot in homosexual, heterosexual and this also lead to family problems......a lot gays and lesbians facing family problems like parents can't face the truth and can't even perceive them...but for heterosexual, problems occured in parents not so satisfied on their half and state there's too early for them to dates and all kind of things.......

can parents walking in our shoes? think about what your childrens want and they wish to have? is they become a gay or a lesbian is what they choose to be? just like who born in a rich and poor family, did they choose to born in a rich or poor family? if can choose, why don't all of you choose to be in rich family and why some of them choose to be in poor family? i oso wish i could have a perfect family, rich enough and also blissful enough!

parents should think about your childrens feelings, and not grabed their happiness and shape them to become a good daughter or son that you wish to have......it's unfair....although it is too difficult to you to accept it in a sudden, why don't you try to take your time and try to suit yourself and try to communicate with your child as don't made them felt like they done a wrong decision to tell out the truths.....you should open wide your arms to perceive what they are and not what others people's view on you......and be happy that you're still living as a family and they still remains of one part of your family.....we must learn to accept new things in our life....and they don't have any opportunity to "choose" what they want to be.....remember no one can choose to be a boy or a girl, to be a richman or a poorman and also be a gay or a lesbian......you should happy if they shared the truths with you due to the mutual trust from both of you and not lie to you till the day you are not longer exist in this world....if they willing tell the truths means they've brave enough and sure that you can accept it and you're trustable to that person.....

think about it......

p/s:gay and les is not a sin, they're human being too....why can't view them as usual and treat them equally?

a phone call that made me feel -who am i towards you

everyone makes mistake ,right? is there anyone that do not made mistakes before? well, is it that mistakes i made before can't gain your forgiveness and also the trust? just now my mum call me, so after we talked bla bla bla~ suddenly i mentioned something with my mum, it something happen in my college recently(P&C)....and the conversation start like this.....

after i mentioned about it....

m: so you have to take care of your behaviour, keep yourself reviewing, think wisely before you done anything.....
j:i won't do that, because i don't wish any incident happen in my life now......and i view those things a lot surround me....and you know what course i taking now?
m:yup, but you know y all those things happen? because they lose the rationality, so that incident happen....
j:yup i know....then i laugh....i said it won't happen on me....(with confident)....can you don't always compare me with other people?
m:i hope so it would not happen to you.....
j: sigh....

we're talking about generation now( accidentally pregnant)....you know what i means,right? so i don't think i want to make it more clearly.....

is that i really can't gain any trustworthiness from you? and what happen to them is out of my bussiness and what the hell doing with me? mum, i really really know the aim and purpose why i be here,ok? i'm not here for finding a guy to married and get births to continue my life......the purposes i'm here is to study and earn a better future lifes for myself and also you.....so can you please don't think i will take any step wrong that will ruin my whole lifes by my own?

you're just like my vitamin of lovee.....

anyway, i really appreciates you care about me and loves me....but please don't never ever think i'm a person like that....if i'm a person like that, i already attached long long ago and won't stay single so long untill now......although sometimes i really likes to do something out of your mind, but not this,this is not in my must-do list.....and i avoided it hardly to happen......i want a good life and not an accidentally lifes that suddenly happen to me and i have to try hard to suit myself in.....that is not what i wish to had....

can you believes me as i'm your daughter that do not done any big mistakes before? i know how to manage my own lifes, please don't worry about me......sometimes get too protected by all of you, make me hardly to breath.....now i'm trying to "grow up" by myself....i have to be independent and gasping the new air in my new lifes now.....you can't protects me forever and i can't depends on you all my life....

there must a time i have to fly with my own wings and not holdings by you.....i will try all my best to be your good daughter.....i can fly by myself pridely and brings you the proud.....i want you to share the success i gain.....but now is the time you lets go and i'll find what i want and reach there.....is time for me to live by myself and gain a more matured thoughts and different perspectives and view during viewing a problems......

i love you deeper and deeper when i leave you, you're deep in my heart....i love you wherever i was...day by day,hours to hours, minutes to minutes, second to second.........i love you mum......

*exam* night life started*

exam is comin' ,and my sucking night life also started....i gonna burn midnight oil to prepared for my exam.....group study and revision.....and there's something happen that bring my mood down.......and there is my first time having dinner and breakfast in McD while during my revision with all my buddies.... :).....although is it tired for doing the revision from 9.30 am-5.00am....haha....sound crazy isn't it? but the more you putting efforts, the more you will get it back....start from now, i will do hard for what i want and fight for it.....because i don't wanna have a room for myself to regret.....and there are no second chance or opportunity to offer and what i can do is just turn around and walk away......look for my better future life......i'm not a person who will easily get rid to anythings happen to me and i will not give up without putting any effort to it.....this is just who i am- joanne......wakaka~



too boring while doin revision....haha~



shy couple -->josh & kelly



wayne what are you doin....why don't you pay attentions to your revisions?



sky->who is blogging.....



last, here my pancakes for my breakfast in McD...... :P
i really love pancakes very much....


here,i wanna say...joanne,you must work hard to your future, there're nothing impossible!!!

급유!!!

p/s: sorry to sky, that make you embarrassing in putting you inside the situation that affects you mood......

* red box * haagen-daz* movies *

what again for today? although exam is around the corner....but i'm still human being, so i need to relax too....to release stress(just for an excuse).....wakaka.....
went to MidValley & The Garden today with two of my friends for sing "k" ......these are the 3rd time in this week i went to red box to sing......sigh...=P




cindy & me......(look pale)



xinyi and me.......


after finish our "k" mission at The Garden.....we went back to MidValley to watch a movie--"Confession Of A Shopaholic"......after the movie....we having "Haagen-Daz" in MidValley too....the temptations of the ice-cream really drived me crazy....it is too difficult to choose the flavour....i wanna taste all!!! but impossible,haha :) because it is too expensive...hee...



cindy & xinyi-->enjoy-ing their chocolate and belgian chocholate ice-cream^^



my final decision-->coffee and tiramisu flavour ;)



i choose this, because it costs more reasonable....hehe....

after finish that, we take our way home....and i not feel well today....the gastric pain really killing me....i hate it.....can it cure asap? or juz stay stay away from me......i think maybe i should pay back the money to "uncle" who treated me eat sushi yesterday.....haha :P

sushi....sushi....and sushi......

today, after finish class we decided to go having sushi at KLCC......we had queue up for a little time to wait for the place to have our sushi meal......there are damn lot of people......just like eating for free (foc) haha........after settle down...we started to grab our sushi.....and we have a lot then.......


we're freaking crazy.....almost 30 plates here......



the plates are taller than darren ^^




i'm so freaking crazy too......



me and shanyuee *-*



first round + second round..........


after the first round we all already feel pretty full.....but still can't stop eating.....so we starting our second round.....at the end, we almost eat about 40 plates of sushi.....this really bring us a huge satisfaction......really a "sushi's temptation".....haha....really a freaking crazy day for us.......there are still one of the member that went together with us, but his pic is not here, the person is teck siang......who treated us this meal......thanks very much for "uncle".......

my life got messed up.....& exam coming soon......

how come my life messed up like this just in sudden.....i hate all this changes....my relationship, my friendship, my academic and so so on....i hate i just life like this....just like live in the life with no point and no direction.....what i plan to do is just blown up like that......

what's life mean to me? is that mean nothing....who ruin up my life, my friendship and my academic? is that i ruin up by myself? of course not me, there are something behind the truth? do i need to discover it? but i don't think so....betray, people getting between us? now i just learn how to forget it and make it just pass by and become a part of my failure scenario........

well, about my relationship, i now learn to let it go....i set it free now....if that is mine,it will somehow come back to me; if that is not belong to me, why do i need to force to get it and make it mine? "Love can not be tied to the death trap of a person's future, it should be a pair of lovers to the wings flew up into the sky"......although the perfect love will also kill by the responsibility and bear the stifling! start from now, i will learn it to do everything by myself.....love bye love....if have fate we'll meet again.....if there's is no.....just say "goodbye".....

exam coming soon....i have to pay 100% attention to earn a flying colours result....methods of counselling, intro to counselling, english for social science and malaysia culture.....those subject really drived me crazy.......attention.....i cant be lazy anymore.....i must put more efforts this time......i cant lose any of them anymore....

i have to learn to grab the chance start from now....i'll stand up from where i fall.....start now i have to go through it alone, no matter what happen.....there are no one beside me to hold me anymore.....here the time for me to "grow".....i can face it alone .....i believe it....that's my decision i have made,so i have to take responsibility to it......

伤心酒杯 - 周传雄 李千娜

哭了一整夜 彻夜不能睡
这样的你 看来好心灰
为爱死了心 执迷无法醒
受伤多了一只伤心酒杯

困守已扣紧 日夜只用来伤心
你的脸上只留一种哀怨表情
紧抓着不放
那些重复的 心有不甘

你说放手好难
我如何艰难遗忘
谁说应该遗忘
我们不都在感情中坚强

谁都会心碎 谁没有过伤悲
没有谁比谁勇敢多一些
想清除 我不想面对
那些美好一次被撕毁

我也曾喝醉 也曾无言以对
打翻了伤心酒杯 好憔悴
很辛苦 你如何面对
过去美好的日日夜夜

爱时有一点愚昧
有一点直接
有一点难理解
我不怕再爱多一些

wow~ha~
你说放手好难
我如何艰难遗忘
谁说应该遗忘
我们不都在感情中坚强

谁都会心碎 谁没有过伤悲
没有谁比谁勇敢多一些
想清除 我不想面对
那些美好一次被撕毁

我也曾喝醉 也曾无言以对
打翻了伤心酒杯 好憔悴
很辛苦 你如何面对
过去美好的日日夜夜

爱时有一点愚昧
有一点直接
有一点难理解
我不怕再爱多一些

that person who always getting between people

the person who likes to getting between people and keep ruining people relationship...PLEASE watch up yourself and your behaviour too.....do you know you really make people hate you and get offended???

please don't never ever tried to break people relationships......do you know all things might ruin by you just from one words??..... you know how hurts people are? and do you know because of you, there are some people that lose their loves one or the one they really cherish towards?

stop making troubles......if u think you can't get what you want, but can u please don't messed up other people life and stopped people from what they want to reach and what they've earn from what they put effort on and dedication too.......

don't do that anymore...if not i can tell you that, what you do now will watched by god....at the time you stay happy you will get the punishment from the god as long as you're still alive.......then you will know how pain is it lose someone that really important and maybe the one you really care and love.......

SO, STOP IT RIGHT NOW...........

the night that can't fall asleep

there are something that bare in my mind, that make me think of it non-stop.....
it just keep buzzing me.....it keeps remind me about somethings that i don't really wanna remember about it.....

i hate this feeling, but when the tears keep falling down.....i started realize that i somehow not even try to forget about it.....am i a stupid? or somehow idiot? perhaps we both knew what had happen between us.....but i keep telling myself you are the one to blame and not me......but, in a sudden i remembered that i can't even blame on you, i had the responsible towards this problem also.....

i make it to be your wrong and put all the blame on you because i think that it makes me feel more better, but i don't even notice how was your feeling at all and now i notice how pain and how suffered is it.....i apologize that i did it to you.....although i know it's too late...i really feel sorry about that......

please forgive me to be so naive and childish, i know you done everything that is good for me, but i dun even know how to appreciate it.....i just let it just pass by my life and never grab the chance myself and the precious things is just gone.....can i turn back again to grab it.....will they another chances waiting for me.......or i deserved to be punish for that......

....now i now how it feels, if i not heard of that......maybe i still think that is your fault at all......but,can i get it back now or they had just pass my life just like that? now,i feel i m in the miserable state......would you rescue me from that? or you just might stand outside of my world and keep your eyes on me? that is not i wish too....i know i can't make the decision......

i wish that you can exist in my life now.....keep me on when i falls, pamper me when i was good enough, feed me up when i am hungry and accompany me in the night that i can't fall asleep, stay by my side when i had a nightmare and so so on......that is what i wish from you....is it too over?

it is just like a cup of water that falls suddenly that can't keep it back into the cup again.........

* cherish *

* cherish *
is it important? ask yourself deep into ur heart.....and answer it with the sincere heart.....
how the way that the people treat u, u should know about it!
good or bad is just you know it, you should feel it......the people is the one who really close to you and the one who most understand and care about u.......

you should better think about it......
the people is the one that i should say really good enough in treated u.....
you had the first place in his heart....y not the person family or somehow the other things....
but why is you.....i think u should think that is it really treated u good then the other you had before?

don't you think you should cherish that people as lot as possible?
don't you think that people had dedicate to you a lot?
don't you think that people make a lot of sacrifices for you?
don't you think that people really love you and care a lot for you?
don't you think that people already change a lot for you?
don't you think that people deserve to get another chances?

you should cherish that people as long as that people stay by your side.....
when that people left you, and u started to feel regret....
you are the one to blame......don't blame no one around u.....
because you are the one who do not know to appreciate and cherish that people.....
remember the decision that you make for your whole life.....that is not just a statement.....
it also prove that u might lose someone really important in your life....
that might be make u lose your precious things or thoughts and even lose your soul too....
appreciate what you have in everyday, every hour, every minute, every second......and also now......

open-minded world for gay and lesbian

recently ,i hav nothing to do, so i surf the internet and viewing people's blog......in the end i found something interesting....my sight caught by a gay's blog.....and the main point is the guy are good looking as well, and i so curious about it....although i add him long long ago in my friendster but i never been to view his profile....but something make me view him last week.....den i found interested to him.....so,i keep viewing his blog....
but viewing his blog is juz like addicted to me.....the feeling is juz like addicted to novel when u start to read it.....but honestly reading his blog is juz like reading novel.....so interesting.....suddenly i start to mention the guy to my fren that oso know abt.....and we start discuss....but i really love the blog and i keep pay attention to it....but m i crazy? how come i pay so much attention to a gay and not the straight ones? now i want to mention about it....tis is because all the gay around me are handsome enough....wakaka....although they are gay but the things i keep attention is becoz they are handsome enough and can keep my eyes on them.....therefore i like it....

there are something make me agree is their parent's mind and also thought.....it is too shocked for me.....i do believe a lot of parent will not perceive their child to become lesbian or gay... for the some parent they trust their child and even perceive wat their child is......they dun care about how ppl view them as well.....tis make me feel great about their parent......for me face the truth and reality is more better than u refuse it.....

refuse it juz make u feel that ur child are abnormal, being control their happiness, do not show respects to them and even u feel that they make u feel ashamed......if u perceive it,this show u respect them, care about their feelings, not looking down to them and not make them feel inferior......when i reading the blog, the mother of the author said she perceive her child as wat he is and he will respect all the gay and also lesbian who is truly fall in love......i love this kind of mother as well....enough open minded
they dun even scold or blame their child for becum a homosexual but they keep supporting their child....they always stay by their side.....i know some of u will said why not my mother? it is becoz all the people have different perspective in viewing problem.....some might view is as a good and some might view is as a bad......maybe they think that is fated....

for me i perceive all that.....i face all that....and i view them are same like us....a normal ppl juz have some differences in the way they choose their love....i respect all the gay and lesbian who is fall in love and hope that might to be as long as forever.....bless them as happy and blissful as forever......