the day for "chickenpox" ~

so long didn't update my blog.....cause i am in my vacation to cure my "chickenpox"....i hate it.....well, my 19th birthday, what i got for my birthday present was the stupid "chickenpox"......it make mine beautiful skin (LOL) look like......don't know how to describe it......haiz~

now is the assignment period buut i have no mood to do the assignment cause of the "chickenpox".......i can't even go back to my own house because there are some people that do not have it yet....so i stay in my friends's house until it recover....how pity am i......but nevermind, i stayed here got people took care of me and cooked for me......here, how blissful am i......i suddenly think of, sometimes get sick was not really bad, it got the advantages also.......when you're hoping someone to care about you.....i want to take more rest......after i recovered i will updated it again....about my birthday present......


p/s: thanks very much for you all who took care of me.......^0^

trust between you and me ?

If there is no hope,
then do not give me hope,
do not let me have the imagination,
do not give me hope that once again deprived of it,
cannot be completed as promised,
so do not promised easily,
please don't broke the dream that u give me,
again and again,
you know how it hurts?
it just will broke the trust between you and me....

如果没有希望，
那就不要给我希望，
不要让我有想象空间，
不要给了我希望，
又一次一次的剥夺它，
就像不能完成的承诺，
就不要轻易许下，
请不要一再的剥夺你给我的美梦，
你知道我的心是多痛吗？
那只会毁了你我之间仅存的信任感...........

birthday mood~

birthday~ did birthday very important to you all? do everyone of you waiting for the day to come? what do you expect in that day? a surprised? or dissapointed (cause no people remember it)? tomorrow is my friend's birthday, "sky, happy birthday ya....."

today, i asked my friend to accompany me to JUSCO to buy present and some groceries too....LOL....after bought the present we went to OLD TOWN to have our lunch......suddenly, my friend, hui ling asked " joanne, what present do you want in your coming birthday?is better that you tell me what you want, cause i dont know want to buy what for you....." then i answered " i also don't know what i want...." actually, i really still not in that mood yet.....there are a lot of reasons....

• the phobia of getting older and older, this is the last year for me, then my age will started with the number, 2
• after he left me, i somehow feel birthday is not important anymore....
• for how long i did'nt celebrated it with my family, i can't even remember it
• what i need, no ones knew about it (i didn't mentoned about it before)

about the question my friend asked about....said honestly, i really don't know what i want.....but instead of the material satisfaction.....i more appetence towards:

• love
• care
  
• warmth
• friendships

i felt like i needed them badly, if not i think i will fall apart when i reach some phase.....i hope i cant get them from you all....haha....am i greedy? don't ever tell me that i greedy, caused i can't get it from the people that who supposed provide it for me, so i had to grab it by myself.....haha.....

last.....i gonna sing a "birthday's song" for sky....

happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to sky,
happy birthday to you........

"wish you happy always, stayed healthy and dreams come true always"

see how good i treated you,haha.......

funny tutorial class.....

today, i had a really funny tutorial class, actually we all had to present all the tutorial questions in this tutorial.....and our tutor will shared his life experienced with us....and this subject is "Family Therapy"......well, story started like this.....my classmate was presenting about the life cycle question and keep going with the vertical stressors questions......and suddenly...

mr. b : why you all feel so shy to talk about husband things? (because the presenter is a girl)

L4 : because we are shy.....we waited for our fate to come.....

mr. b : what? what generation now? you all still wait for the fate to come?

L4: yes....

mr.b : come on! you all should chased for it....

me : so shy~ what if the boy rejected?

mr.b : if the boy rejected, then forget about it and find a new one....(point at me)....she has vertical stressors.....she think girl should wait for the people to woo.....

me : (in the heart).....if so easy why i still wait wor, if so easy i already go for it la.....

mr.b : ask the boy to sit down, and giv him a cup of ice water, then said i like you, what do you think about it....(the purpose of the ice water is to cool down the people first)....

L4 : hahaha....(laugh insanely)(thinking why our's tutor so open minded)


actually i am shocked about it, but some of the statement of him i still have to nod my head, cause i agree about it...haha....then we keep going for our tutorial....still a lot funny things behind....share with you all next time....hehe....lazy wanna type it now.....

brings me out of loneliness and reach for my next "rainbow"

passing through the rainbow alone~loneliness

coffee narcotic my loneliness
the sky in my heart turns dark
you ain't my sunshine anymore
what you brings to me was only the pain
thanks for the hurts that you brings me
i earned a good lessons from you
i learned that i can stand up from where i falls
a good memory you brings me just like spring
the day you left me is just like a winter
the happiness and joys let me feel like summer
my heartbroken just like autumn
a wound that can't even can cure
there was a scar on it
that was the mark that proved you've been stayed
the tears that bleed without any feelings
maybe i know that it never belongs to me
whenever past, now or even future
it just passing by, like a strangers
it should be like that
i wished i could be cruel like you
but i can't, i hate this kind of me
when is my turn to shine?
when was the time that you'll cry for me
just for once?
i want be the person that shine for others people
i want to be the one who make others to happy
but as love is fading, i became more dull.....
waiting for the next rainbow that brings me happiness....
would you be the one of my rainbow?
rainbow always happened after the rain....
will it come to me?

insomnia~

recently,i having insomnia....i hate it....i can't even fall asleep, and the timetable for my course in this semester- there are 4 out of 5 days that my class start at 8a.m....i going to die soon.....

honestly,there are something that bugging my mind and the stressful life now.....relationship problems was the serious problem i faced now....no matter the relationship with my housemate and someone else.....i did a mistake....

i am breaking my own rules....it shouldn't be like that, but it already happened.....i not really clear about feeling now.....if i run from him now,he'll noticed it....if i keep continuing there are only two situations will happen....1st is i'll end the friendship with him...the 2nd is i'll keep pretend nothing happenned and keep dependence on him.....

but start from now, i'll slowly brings myself out from the world that not belong to me...that's the only the best way, i had no choices anymore to keep our friendships longer....if not, it hurt both of us....and i know that was no any good ending for us if i say it out....i can only do that....

i wan cure my insomnia....help me please....i don't wanna have "panda eyes" anymore.....bless me please.....

i hate this part of my life !!!

something happened this recently, it made me thinks a lot of things.....i ask myself what is the meaning of life for me? is that friendship really important for me? i realize i need my family badly recently.....i don't want to go for a counselling sessions again this time....i don't even want to step into the room again....so,i tell my family members about my problems,we discussed and we solved it together.....

actually,i wanna ask about the opinion of you all who read my blog......what do you all expected in your life? for me what i really expected in my life now is all the things go swimmingly and i don't even need to worried about....but it is impossible, life always filled with ups and downs just like a "roller coaster"......

when the time i faced some problem, i always tell myself "joanne, you can go through it, wherever how hard it is"......i believed in myself.....i've been go through the worst time in my life that made me fall apart.....when i just stepped into a new stage of my life, i lost my loved one, my dad.....my dad passed away when i was in form 1,13 years old, that my new journey just started...i blame him for just left me behind without any words.....what i wished was i want him to watch me graduate in college or uni with proud, i want him to bless me when i get married or even get him a grandchild, i want him to see me succeed in my life....but the day he gone, my wished was just blown away by the wind.....

i fight for what i want in my life, now i worked hard in my study to own a good future for my family, my mum,my brothers, my aunt and even myself....my mum work very hard to send me to college,i don't want to let her down, i knew how burden she was, she had to pay my college fees and my youngest brother fees too.....but i won't take is as granted.....i appreciated and cherished it a lot....

even though, i had a lot of good friends and heavenly good family members by my side, buut sometimes, some people existed in your life and they ruined up and messed up your life......this kind of people are really sucks....so please fuck off from my life, you know yourself ,right? or did i need to list out the names of you all? you all will have to pay for what you had done....so please watch out yourself......i really hated those people....anyway, i believed i can go through this because you all, my best friends and my family will always by my side to support me......