my first touching teardrop~

"something that can't reach without a pair of helping hands"

this is the first time i cried because of some words that really touched my heart....i chatting with my little "miracle worker" just now....i tell her that i really feel tired of my life now, no matter is my relationship, my friendships, my study or even myself....it really make me loaded.....i can't do anything....sometimes, i even think i'm really useless...i can't even think about my so called "failure's life".....i realize sometimes a person really can't stand up for your ownself when you faced a problem or issue.... it really so hard to do it by your own....

but i realize that i'm wrong, i thought that when problem occurred and you had to forced yourself to solve it yourself, it maybe a good chance or opportunity to learn to grow and independent, and maybe made a person matured in perspectives of view, thoughts and acts....but, i'm wrong, sometimes in the process you learn to grow you need the other parties to give support to you....how naive am i before?.....

but xinyi tell me something that i really get touched is "don't tired of yourself, if you ever think you don't like yourself, remember L4, L4 all "sayang" you...." i notice about that, everytime i was down, L4, you all always stay by my side.....you all are my everything, my emotional support...."i love all of you"......my tears dropped because of touched.....all the words really meaningful to me.....thanks .......

fight for my final war ~

well, tomorrow will be my last exam paper.....so called "intentional interviewing and counseling" ....this paper really make me stressed up.....i can't even memorize it....haha....so,yesterday we have a study group in KFC near GIANT .....and we brought our little "miracle worker" xinyi....-who can make us understand all the context that give by the lecturer.....thanks for your help..... to fight for our final war, we start suddenly....and they're some kids that their parents brought them to KFC to celebrate birthday....but we found something are weird, all the kids sang the birthday song that sound very sad, like their parents canned them and forced them to sing.... but, that is not what i want to mention about, the story continued to be like this.....we concentrate on our study, but for a while that was a kid that i don't even know what happen to him.....he shouted with his pretty high pitch tone that not once, but still hav the second time....that really made me "pik chek" , so what i gonna do was, i shouted with my "high volume" sound and said " ma ma dang".....in a second i realized it really work, because all KFC become silence, but my friends said really paiseh la, all people keep wathching us....haha...and Kelly say why all of them watching me, she said i going to say that is not me, i'm not shouted.....haha.... sound pretty crazy right? but that was me, when ppl are stress up, never ever to make him/she angry, if not what you get may serious than this....haha.... now i want to continue my study.....see you all after my final war.....haha....wish me luck ya~ and good luck to you all too~ "GAMBATEH"

i hate exam.......

i hate study & exam.....haha

the time sitting for exams....3 more subjects for me to go....i feel stress in this "exam season"....and it cause me to have a lot of chocolate in this "season" to release my stress and tension and seek for pleasure.....haha :P

is there any school or college that do not have to sit for exam? inform me if u find it, cause i would like to continue further my study there.....i will appreciate ur kindness to tell me....muahahaha :)...i'm dreamin' right now...so don't to try to wake me up or you'll die.....hehe:p

don't wake me up...i wan continue my sweet sweet dreamz.....sshhhh~

well, let me tell you something about chocolate....why almost all people like to eat chocolate? do you know what contains in the chocolate? i would like to share one thing with you that contains in the chocolate, it called "phenylethylamine"....what is that?


p/s: take a bucket to fill your saliva.....haha:p

let me tell you what is that, "phenylethylamine" is a chemical substance that found in chocolate that capable of raising dopamine level in our brains....it can show through people like to cheer up themselves with some chocolate when they're feeling blue....."Phenylethylamine" is a trace amine occurring naturally in our brains, where it releases dopamine in the mesolimbic centres for pleasure...."Phenylethylamine"plays a vital role when we fall in love and feel passion, and the "phenylethylamine" levels peaks during orgasm.

but, girls remember don't have too much chocolate because it bring you to obesity and the shape of your body will change it shape...although there are always "chocolate temptations"....get it?.....

no choices for us to who we want to be......

"take it or just leave it........."

recently, i read lotta of blogs....and i agree with some of the blogger statement....we have no choice to choose what we wanna to be.....such as you can't choose whether you want to be a boy or a girl...you're born to be either a boy or a girl....this had be fated.....did you think there's someone or the God will ask whether you willing to be a girl or a boy, did there any choices for you?.......the answer is no....if there's is a choice...all people can choose who they want to be, then all will become perfect cause they go through their lifes with their choices and lives with what they wish to have....but because of no choices then a lot problem occured....like female who want to turn into male and become a tomboy, male who want to be female and turn into shemale.....

in our real lifes not everything can just go on swimmingly....there must be some obstacles waiting for us to go through, from there we learn a lessons and learn to stand up where we fell......so, people said that lifes are full of challenges....you have to learn how to manage it and also how to go through it with full of meaning and make it more "colourful".....

if there's is a choice for you in your life, what would you like to choose to be?
(ask yourself deep into your heart)

i saw a lot people that surrond me facing different problems.....relationships, friendships, facing study stress, financial, family and so so on.....relationship problems occured a lot in homosexual, heterosexual and this also lead to family problems......a lot gays and lesbians facing family problems like parents can't face the truth and can't even perceive them...but for heterosexual, problems occured in parents not so satisfied on their half and state there's too early for them to dates and all kind of things.......

can parents walking in our shoes? think about what your childrens want and they wish to have? is they become a gay or a lesbian is what they choose to be? just like who born in a rich and poor family, did they choose to born in a rich or poor family? if can choose, why don't all of you choose to be in rich family and why some of them choose to be in poor family? i oso wish i could have a perfect family, rich enough and also blissful enough!

parents should think about your childrens feelings, and not grabed their happiness and shape them to become a good daughter or son that you wish to have......it's unfair....although it is too difficult to you to accept it in a sudden, why don't you try to take your time and try to suit yourself and try to communicate with your child as don't made them felt like they done a wrong decision to tell out the truths.....you should open wide your arms to perceive what they are and not what others people's view on you......and be happy that you're still living as a family and they still remains of one part of your family.....we must learn to accept new things in our life....and they don't have any opportunity to "choose" what they want to be.....remember no one can choose to be a boy or a girl, to be a richman or a poorman and also be a gay or a lesbian......you should happy if they shared the truths with you due to the mutual trust from both of you and not lie to you till the day you are not longer exist in this world....if they willing tell the truths means they've brave enough and sure that you can accept it and you're trustable to that person.....

think about it......

p/s:gay and les is not a sin, they're human being too....why can't view them as usual and treat them equally?

a phone call that made me feel -who am i towards you

everyone makes mistake ,right? is there anyone that do not made mistakes before? well, is it that mistakes i made before can't gain your forgiveness and also the trust? just now my mum call me, so after we talked bla bla bla~ suddenly i mentioned something with my mum, it something happen in my college recently(P&C)....and the conversation start like this.....

after i mentioned about it....

m: so you have to take care of your behaviour, keep yourself reviewing, think wisely before you done anything.....
j:i won't do that, because i don't wish any incident happen in my life now......and i view those things a lot surround me....and you know what course i taking now?
m:yup, but you know y all those things happen? because they lose the rationality, so that incident happen....
j:yup i know....then i laugh....i said it won't happen on me....(with confident)....can you don't always compare me with other people?
m:i hope so it would not happen to you.....
j: sigh....

we're talking about generation now( accidentally pregnant)....you know what i means,right? so i don't think i want to make it more clearly.....

is that i really can't gain any trustworthiness from you? and what happen to them is out of my bussiness and what the hell doing with me? mum, i really really know the aim and purpose why i be here,ok? i'm not here for finding a guy to married and get births to continue my life......the purposes i'm here is to study and earn a better future lifes for myself and also you.....so can you please don't think i will take any step wrong that will ruin my whole lifes by my own?

you're just like my vitamin of lovee.....

anyway, i really appreciates you care about me and loves me....but please don't never ever think i'm a person like that....if i'm a person like that, i already attached long long ago and won't stay single so long untill now......although sometimes i really likes to do something out of your mind, but not this,this is not in my must-do list.....and i avoided it hardly to happen......i want a good life and not an accidentally lifes that suddenly happen to me and i have to try hard to suit myself in.....that is not what i wish to had....

can you believes me as i'm your daughter that do not done any big mistakes before? i know how to manage my own lifes, please don't worry about me......sometimes get too protected by all of you, make me hardly to breath.....now i'm trying to "grow up" by myself....i have to be independent and gasping the new air in my new lifes now.....you can't protects me forever and i can't depends on you all my life....

there must a time i have to fly with my own wings and not holdings by you.....i will try all my best to be your good daughter.....i can fly by myself pridely and brings you the proud.....i want you to share the success i gain.....but now is the time you lets go and i'll find what i want and reach there.....is time for me to live by myself and gain a more matured thoughts and different perspectives and view during viewing a problems......

i love you deeper and deeper when i leave you, you're deep in my heart....i love you wherever i was...day by day,hours to hours, minutes to minutes, second to second.........i love you mum......

*exam* night life started*

exam is comin' ,and my sucking night life also started....i gonna burn midnight oil to prepared for my exam.....group study and revision.....and there's something happen that bring my mood down.......and there is my first time having dinner and breakfast in McD while during my revision with all my buddies.... :).....although is it tired for doing the revision from 9.30 am-5.00am....haha....sound crazy isn't it? but the more you putting efforts, the more you will get it back....start from now, i will do hard for what i want and fight for it.....because i don't wanna have a room for myself to regret.....and there are no second chance or opportunity to offer and what i can do is just turn around and walk away......look for my better future life......i'm not a person who will easily get rid to anythings happen to me and i will not give up without putting any effort to it.....this is just who i am- joanne......wakaka~



too boring while doin revision....haha~



shy couple -->josh & kelly



wayne what are you doin....why don't you pay attentions to your revisions?



sky->who is blogging.....



last, here my pancakes for my breakfast in McD...... :P
i really love pancakes very much....


here,i wanna say...joanne,you must work hard to your future, there're nothing impossible!!!

급유!!!

p/s: sorry to sky, that make you embarrassing in putting you inside the situation that affects you mood......

* red box * haagen-daz* movies *

what again for today? although exam is around the corner....but i'm still human being, so i need to relax too....to release stress(just for an excuse).....wakaka.....
went to MidValley & The Garden today with two of my friends for sing "k" ......these are the 3rd time in this week i went to red box to sing......sigh...=P




cindy & me......(look pale)



xinyi and me.......


after finish our "k" mission at The Garden.....we went back to MidValley to watch a movie--"Confession Of A Shopaholic"......after the movie....we having "Haagen-Daz" in MidValley too....the temptations of the ice-cream really drived me crazy....it is too difficult to choose the flavour....i wanna taste all!!! but impossible,haha :) because it is too expensive...hee...



cindy & xinyi-->enjoy-ing their chocolate and belgian chocholate ice-cream^^



my final decision-->coffee and tiramisu flavour ;)



i choose this, because it costs more reasonable....hehe....

after finish that, we take our way home....and i not feel well today....the gastric pain really killing me....i hate it.....can it cure asap? or juz stay stay away from me......i think maybe i should pay back the money to "uncle" who treated me eat sushi yesterday.....haha :P