my thoughts~

I'm so bored now, so I up to blog this time.....i'm bec to my hometown yesterday night, and i had chatted wiv my mum and auntie about some problems of my so-called "habitation".........in previous post i had mentioned that I have a really worst relationship with my housemates, so now, I most recently staying in someplace that provide me lotta of care, warmth and also love~here,I gonna thanks them by my sincere heart for who that always stay by my side~

back to the conversation of my aunt and mum.....actually we discussed about whether I still wanna continue my study to degree or not~but according to my senior, who asked me continue my degree then.....he mentioned that although I am suffering right now for a tough course like that, but in the future I might get a really "payable" job and i might "talent" in my career.....so I'm considering it.....actually, I mentioned about I want to get a job and work to quit study for sometimes, this is because keep studying really will make one's life become dull....but what told by him was work is very suffer, and the suffer is as what that I can't imagine at all......

but, I'm a person who always crave for the freedom~i don't like to be just tie up in one situation~I want make some different in my life......I wanna try and try no matter how pain I have fall, I wanna try and try and make my life to be colourful, I don't care how bad was the result I get from what I wish~I want to light up my life, I wanna try a lot of things......although you try to break my wings, but I don't care......although I really need to crawl towards it, I will do so....I won't give up so easily this time~

marriages

Actually, marriage or not marriage, is that very important to someone? Today, I had my family counseling class, the question that given are " Are you strongly agreed with marriages?" & "Are you strongly disagreed with marriages?" For me, I stood in the "strongly disagreed with marriages", not because i do not likes guy, but I have my own perspectives towards this "marriages" kind of things.....

For me, I don't think that every love couples need to step into "marriages", without "marriages" a couple still can live blissfully ever after.....and what I viewed about "marriages" was just a certificate that proved that I had say goodbye to my single hood, the paper that chained me up, but it doesn't guaranteed that it can make me happy, blissful or loved forever by someone...... Who DARE to say that "marriages" can make both of the spouses will bond together forever?

I said that, not because I choose not to be responsible, but not everyone suit to be "marriage" and not everyone know how to deal with a family or start a family that may have to bear with children......maybe anyone of you will think that this things can be learn, but if you really do not fully prepared yourself to own a family, what will happen in the future, you may hurt someone you do not wish too, you may destroyed a happy family, you may hurt the innocent children.....what do you think? "marriages" is that good? or is that perfect? Please do not think everything gonna be easy as you think, there are a lot of conflicts in it?

For me, dating, marriages and also stayed single had it's own advantages.....but I just feel that marriage is not suit me that lots~

life is fragile~

this month not a really good month for me~somehow i realized that there are a lot of things that we can't dominate at all, i hate this kind of feeling~really frustrated....

within a month, i received two bad news, the first, my uncle passed away.....well, my mum didn't tell me until the day before his funeral, the second was my best friend's dad passed away, i've been informed on the day i come back to KL from my hometown....what a sad month for me, full with sorrowful......

then, i realized that we can't hold all things with both of our hands, although we wish too, when more tightness we hold our hand, the lesser we get, what if you open up your hand, maybe you'll get something out of the blue and maybe the more you get......try to open up your hands, perceive all the things that happened, go through it with the courage that you have, faced it and solve it, if you can't solve it or deny to faced it, then try to put it under the unconscious, as time goes by, and when the day you feel that you have ready to or you have sufficient of mental construction to face and to solve it, then you can make it through....believes in yourself and the faith that you have......

for me, i have a little secret that i kept very deep in my unconscious that i don't really want to talk about or even think about it.....a things that you can imagine it may defame my life.....i can't even faced it until now....i been tried really hard to forget it, but i really can't....it always linger in my mind, it even had changed my mind and perspectives towards some things.....

i had go through a hard times that really made me changed a lot, although i can't go through that time, but i forced too....although i know how much i cherish him and love him, but he still left me, he left me to a place that maybe full of joy,i can't confirm about it, but i knew that he went to a place that really really far from me, a place that can't turn your head back,never ever, a place that called--heaven.......

maybe a person needs to grow matured or learned from a situation that you're not willing too....but, there are no any choices for you to choose it.....if you can choose a things to happen now,what would you choose？for me, i will choose that the time can turn over again, let me go back to the time i wish to, but it is impossible.......except, you may dream about it....cherish what you have now, forget about the unhappiness pass, start to learn to look forwards, don't look back anymore, maybe there are something good that waiting for you to explore it.....although life is short and fragile, but you can make it better and full of meaning......bless you all @ all da' best^^

genting trip~

last saturday i went to genting, the place which i craved it for so long~hehe.....i go with my friends, which we always plan but always failed.......1 year time i didn't visit there.....actually, going there is a good therapy to release my stress, cause i can shout as loud as i can when i playing such an exciting game~wow~really fun~

my happy genting trip~here come the "leng zai" i get~haha~

next target, i wanna crave for my Redang trip~hehe~

missing crazily~

i had back to my hometown last tuesday, and i'm going back at tomorrow morning.......sorry, for you guys that i didn't phone or sms to notice that i'm back,cause i need some rest......i miss my home, and felt like no mood to go back la~

the day i back, i'm going to sit with a strangers, a malay guy, and suddenly a guy waves his hand to me in the bus, he is my friend's bro, and i feel luckily i meet him up, so i can change the place and sit with him, so i ask the guy whether he mind to change the place, and he said he not mind, so i change the place and sit with my friend's bro, let's call him mr. Q.....

in the way home, we chatted a lot la.....haha......i found that mr. Q is quit a humorous guy ya.....although i didn't meet him for so long....but still nothing changes....that was a changes, he was "attach".....haiz......whatever la.....but i have full up my eyes when i was waiting for the bus to back to my hometown, cause a lot of "leng zai" stand beside me, and they all are "ang mo".....wah, so happy ler......

i'm in bad mood now la, a minutes ago, i unblock a american guy, whom i block him for about 3mths ago, he is really noisy la....what he do just now really made me piss off, he throwing his tantrum to me.....what the hell ya~i didn't do nothing also......arghhhhhhh.........really crazy ar.....forget about it......i really hate this kind of people, really ridiculous......

suddenly, i thinking about a guy that i know from blog, a humorous + handsome + cute( although i just been chat with him once, but he give me a good impressions)........haha....anyway, he is not in a good conditions or situations right now.....but i hope he can go through it, gambateh to him in his life and his love too~ aza aza fighting~

gud nite~

craps~

well, i had fully recovered from the "chickenpox"... and i attended my class yesterday....what was happened was the tutors ask me not to speak because she scared she will get infections.....what she told me was like that "hey you, "chickenpox girl" you better don't talk".....do u seen or meet any tutors like her....scared to die a.k.a "kiasi"....wakaka....do you know the full name of "PhD"?.....the answer from her was "permanent head damaged"........well, forget about it....

recently, i read a lot of other people's blog....and i found out that now is the season that broke up with your behalf is it? my friends also broke up with her behalf.....why will this happen? is there no forever that exist? but what i realized was there are not right or wrong in a love relationships, there are only who do not not how to cherish each other in a relationship......

there are some people that very care about his or her behalf, but what they repay back was just betray them.......but some of them was cherished by someone, but they don't know it, and feel that their half do not love them or even cares about him, so they will keep doing something that hurt their ownself and the one who loved them~

i would like to say that, please cherish the one who stay beside you now, don,t let them down, not everyone have the second chance to retrieve it......

the day for "chickenpox" ~

so long didn't update my blog.....cause i am in my vacation to cure my "chickenpox"....i hate it.....well, my 19th birthday, what i got for my birthday present was the stupid "chickenpox"......it make mine beautiful skin (LOL) look like......don't know how to describe it......haiz~

now is the assignment period buut i have no mood to do the assignment cause of the "chickenpox".......i can't even go back to my own house because there are some people that do not have it yet....so i stay in my friends's house until it recover....how pity am i......but nevermind, i stayed here got people took care of me and cooked for me......here, how blissful am i......i suddenly think of, sometimes get sick was not really bad, it got the advantages also.......when you're hoping someone to care about you.....i want to take more rest......after i recovered i will updated it again....about my birthday present......


p/s: thanks very much for you all who took care of me.......^0^