the night that can't fall asleep

there are something that bare in my mind, that make me think of it non-stop.....
it just keep buzzing me.....it keeps remind me about somethings that i don't really wanna remember about it.....

i hate this feeling, but when the tears keep falling down.....i started realize that i somehow not even try to forget about it.....am i a stupid? or somehow idiot? perhaps we both knew what had happen between us.....but i keep telling myself you are the one to blame and not me......but, in a sudden i remembered that i can't even blame on you, i had the responsible towards this problem also.....

i make it to be your wrong and put all the blame on you because i think that it makes me feel more better, but i don't even notice how was your feeling at all and now i notice how pain and how suffered is it.....i apologize that i did it to you.....although i know it's too late...i really feel sorry about that......

please forgive me to be so naive and childish, i know you done everything that is good for me, but i dun even know how to appreciate it.....i just let it just pass by my life and never grab the chance myself and the precious things is just gone.....can i turn back again to grab it.....will they another chances waiting for me.......or i deserved to be punish for that......

....now i now how it feels, if i not heard of that......maybe i still think that is your fault at all......but,can i get it back now or they had just pass my life just like that? now,i feel i m in the miserable state......would you rescue me from that? or you just might stand outside of my world and keep your eyes on me? that is not i wish too....i know i can't make the decision......

i wish that you can exist in my life now.....keep me on when i falls, pamper me when i was good enough, feed me up when i am hungry and accompany me in the night that i can't fall asleep, stay by my side when i had a nightmare and so so on......that is what i wish from you....is it too over?

it is just like a cup of water that falls suddenly that can't keep it back into the cup again.........

* cherish *

* cherish *
is it important? ask yourself deep into ur heart.....and answer it with the sincere heart.....
how the way that the people treat u, u should know about it!
good or bad is just you know it, you should feel it......the people is the one who really close to you and the one who most understand and care about u.......

you should better think about it......
the people is the one that i should say really good enough in treated u.....
you had the first place in his heart....y not the person family or somehow the other things....
but why is you.....i think u should think that is it really treated u good then the other you had before?

don't you think you should cherish that people as lot as possible?
don't you think that people had dedicate to you a lot?
don't you think that people make a lot of sacrifices for you?
don't you think that people really love you and care a lot for you?
don't you think that people already change a lot for you?
don't you think that people deserve to get another chances?

you should cherish that people as long as that people stay by your side.....
when that people left you, and u started to feel regret....
you are the one to blame......don't blame no one around u.....
because you are the one who do not know to appreciate and cherish that people.....
remember the decision that you make for your whole life.....that is not just a statement.....
it also prove that u might lose someone really important in your life....
that might be make u lose your precious things or thoughts and even lose your soul too....
appreciate what you have in everyday, every hour, every minute, every second......and also now......

open-minded world for gay and lesbian

recently ,i hav nothing to do, so i surf the internet and viewing people's blog......in the end i found something interesting....my sight caught by a gay's blog.....and the main point is the guy are good looking as well, and i so curious about it....although i add him long long ago in my friendster but i never been to view his profile....but something make me view him last week.....den i found interested to him.....so,i keep viewing his blog....
but viewing his blog is juz like addicted to me.....the feeling is juz like addicted to novel when u start to read it.....but honestly reading his blog is juz like reading novel.....so interesting.....suddenly i start to mention the guy to my fren that oso know abt.....and we start discuss....but i really love the blog and i keep pay attention to it....but m i crazy? how come i pay so much attention to a gay and not the straight ones? now i want to mention about it....tis is because all the gay around me are handsome enough....wakaka....although they are gay but the things i keep attention is becoz they are handsome enough and can keep my eyes on them.....therefore i like it....

there are something make me agree is their parent's mind and also thought.....it is too shocked for me.....i do believe a lot of parent will not perceive their child to become lesbian or gay... for the some parent they trust their child and even perceive wat their child is......they dun care about how ppl view them as well.....tis make me feel great about their parent......for me face the truth and reality is more better than u refuse it.....

refuse it juz make u feel that ur child are abnormal, being control their happiness, do not show respects to them and even u feel that they make u feel ashamed......if u perceive it,this show u respect them, care about their feelings, not looking down to them and not make them feel inferior......when i reading the blog, the mother of the author said she perceive her child as wat he is and he will respect all the gay and also lesbian who is truly fall in love......i love this kind of mother as well....enough open minded
they dun even scold or blame their child for becum a homosexual but they keep supporting their child....they always stay by their side.....i know some of u will said why not my mother? it is becoz all the people have different perspective in viewing problem.....some might view is as a good and some might view is as a bad......maybe they think that is fated....

for me i perceive all that.....i face all that....and i view them are same like us....a normal ppl juz have some differences in the way they choose their love....i respect all the gay and lesbian who is fall in love and hope that might to be as long as forever.....bless them as happy and blissful as forever......

sad......missin u......

the day u left me, there was raining heavily, i standing in the rain, watching u tat turn ur back, and juz walk away from me like tat, my vision become blur and blur, den i realize tat i was crying......., the rain is juz like my heart is crying and bleeding, i can felt tat is so pain......., i can even stand for it, i miss u day after day, the miss is so mean to me....., the miss is so deep, i keep asking myself, ven i can stop thinking of u........, i have to get myself out of thinkin of u...... but the last thing left in my mind is......... i so so so in love wiv u, i finally find out that i still love u....., like the past i do, i cant stop myself keep missin u...... i love u.......miss u a lot.....

to the one who is cheer up me.......luv is for u......

u r the most good and nice guy i had ever meet......u cheer up me and bring me a lot of joy......although we are too far too each other, but we still have a strong relationship.....the day i met u, u colour up and bright up my life....... i reali wan to thanks u for tat....but i realize tat we'll get apart one day, now we can meet everyday but the day after tomolo i juz can meet u on sunday when u are free from your study.......but i pray that u wont dump me, because u noe that i can't stand for lonely...........i reali love u a lot..........by the way, i wana thanks u that u exist in my life.....i reali feel very happy and i appreciate the relationship we have now............love u.......sweet moment for me.......

to the one i luv so much, J

wat a sucks day......

wat a sucks day for me, inthe time tat doesn't notice anything, i get scolded......wat the f*ck, hey, i hate to get scolded, although i m not doin my things, but tat is all my right, i no need to ask permission abt tat to u all, sumore u all not my whose tat i need to tell all the things to u, u noe wat, i feel myself get offended, for me,its too much and getting over, wat are goin between me and u all, if not satisfy, wat should i do, is tat i born to satisfy all of tis stupid ppl needs, the "rythm" use to talk juz like argue, u noe wat i hate is.......the smile on u all face, look like a devil.......a sweet smile tat hang on the face and inside is hanging a sword, anytime wat u did wrong, the sword will slash ur skin and maybe hurt ur heart, u noe how pain izzit for me wat u hav talk, u noe tat hurt so much......i dono y i keep thinkin abt the word,it coming on and on in my mind,it reali ruin me, i hate tat, i m thinkin if tat are no law in tis world maybe i will talk out wat i wan to talk, for me u all are too over to care watever things in my life now, i even feel tat ,tat is my privacy,it should not be like tat,i even think wat happen to me,i keep silent is becoz i dono wat should i talk abt now.......it is for me now to pretend tat i m mute, i dun wan to hurt anyone n oso myself, but can u all oso dun hurt me, sumtime i try very hard to repair tis relation, but i feel tired ven thare was the only one i work myself, jz like being in a love realtion tat the one;s tat keep givin out, now i becum frustrated becoz there r no longer tat u all will oso work for it, it is impossible to me, i keep goin like tis becoz i still care abt the relationship tat we hav now.....................

the answer.....

to the one who wana noe it......
i giv up nt becoz i'm already no feeling to u.....but there is sumthin else.....i giv up becoz i found tat sumone tat love u and care u more den i did....so i think she is more love u....but doesn't u notice abt tat....she reali a nice person....try too think abt it and try to look at her.....i didnt say that u're a things tat can offer to other, pls dun be misunderstanding.....it is becoz i reali not yet to get ready wat u hav given me now and i cant even treat bec u like how good u treat me.....said reali.....i remember the fiz time we meet....the smile on ur face like an angle......in my head i thinkin abt tis is the nice guy.......although we dono each other at the time.....but times goin and goin...i found tat love reali a things tat are very selfish.....sumtime people even holding tight for a relationship tat are no love at all, jz keep holding a person under a no feeling condition.....i reali dun wan tis happen to each of us....i wan to c u happy alwaez like before, not like now tat u alwaez getting to the down time......i reali hate to c u like tat.....sumtime let go is a good try to make us more good and hav a space to gasp for sum new air, try to move in a new condition or rest.....juz giv me sum time, ican prove tat u and me can make the rite and good.....try to look for her who alwaez be ur side....but if reali cant den i will jz be there for u.....the door in the heart will alwaez welcomin u as a frens....jz give me sum time to get ready for it.....i reali feel sorry to u......but anyway i hope u happy alwaez.....rmb wat i tell u before.....sometime a good relationship will goin more better ven u let go, if that is urs den it will come bec for u, no matter where u r and wat u hav done.....becoz love alwaez perceive people good and bad......no matter who u r......